Allow me to preface this post by saying that I’ve been living on my own since I was 18.
I lived with roommates throughout university, some of which were awesome and became my best friends, some of which remained roommates and we didn’t necessarily have each other’s backs in the same way. We each did our own thing and came and went as we pleased.
I’ve always had my own space and think of myself as a rather independent person. At 22 years old, I picked up and moved across the world to Korea and lived by myself. At 23 years old, I embarked on a trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, travelling by myself.
Three years ago I came back to Canada and moved in with my boyfriend, and that’s where it all began.
Since we’ve been living together, my degree of independence has certainly decreased, partly due to my own fault and partly because my husband (oh yeah, we got married) spoils me. While I definitely enjoy my “alone time” and being by myself, his presence in our home is so comforting and something I have come to rely on. If I truly want to feel safe at home, he needs to be here.
Please forgive me if I just made you gag over your keyboard.
Doing my thing during the days, even going to sleep at night when M is out of town -- no worries, I can manage just fine.
Yesterday was a very much needed work day and I got really into the blogging zone. But when I tweeted this at three in the afternoon I knew it was time to pick up my game.
Today is one of those days where it feels like an accomplishment to shower and put on clothes. Sadly I've done only one of those things— Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj) November 13, 2013
And herein lies the problem -- when it comes time to shower and I’m home alone, these irrational fears start creeping their way through my brain. It’s been getting worse especially over the past year to the point where I have to talk myself into putting on facewash and sudsing up with my eyes closed in the shower. When did I turn into this person?!
I double checked that the deadbolt was on (despite that meaning I would lock my husband out of the house if he came home early). I double checked that the two locks on the balcony door were engaged. Yet still, at the slightest peep, out pops my head from behind the shower curtain listening with all my might to hear if somebody is in the house. I mean, what am I going to do while naked in the shower anyway?
I’ve lived alone, I’ve travelled alone, I never ever watch horror movies, so where did this irrational fear come from?
Ugh, it’s so annoying, I know I’m being ridiculous, I’ve never even been robbed or anything like that! Does anyone else share these irrational fears? Any techniques that you’ve used to overcome them? Help a sista out!